It'll never work out

I'm starting to guess that I won't get married anymore. I don't even want to engage in any relationship anymore. . Time to hide all those relational books now, because they're useless already. . I can't stay with any guy. Any guy will get tired of me. I even get tired of myself. I want to serve my future husband, i really really do. . but with my personalty right now? I don't ever think I'd be able to build the right habits and the right foundations.

I'll make any guy stay with me suffer. I'm too sensitive in everything. Yeah at first it be fine. But as years go by, i know I'd be left behind. I just know it. I know myself, if i get tired of myself, how much more of others?. . I will never grow old with a man. . Whenever i see couples or old people? I just want to cry. . it's something i've always looked forward when i was a little kid. Now reality strikes and wakes me up from my delusions. I can never have that. . It sucks being me. ;p

I give up. I don't want to make someone's life worsen because of me; especially if i love him. I am just not worth the girl anymore. I'll never be someone who can make a man happy. In the beginning yes i can, but later on i won't be. Some blessings turn into a curse. I know myself, i know that i cannot be a blessing for long.

I give up on relationships. I haven't engaged on them yet, but i already know that i'd fail. I don't want anything that's more than friendship. I don't want to have a boyfriend. I'd settle on my own self. I'm going back to my comfort zone, my mangas. There I can satisfy my emotional needs by reading other people's happy love stories.

I'll just never get a good love story. My gosh, I will pity my future boyfriend. I'd rather not have one, i don't want to make anyone suffer because of me. I've already made too many people suffer because of me. Enough is enough. I can't die, so i'll live just to lessen more hurts. But if only i can run away and fade away.

I don't care anymore. I can never be a good partner. I will always be a burden. I just suck. Mangas mangas, i'll soon buy lots of you from now on. I can't love any man. I'll just ruin his life. I deserve to be alone, so i wont hurt anyone. There's no use in talking anymore. I've decided. I don't want a man in my life. Goodbye childhood dreams. It's time to have a good career and find a cat that's like garfield.