I miss you :)

I greatly miss someone right now. Someone dear and close to me. Someone whom i care for a lot. Someone I like. I miss this person, but circumstances says we can't talk nor see each other.

It's hard. Liking someone who is so close to you; but to keep the relationship, emotions must lie low and slow down for its own good. It's tough. It's insanely hard. Everyday seems to be too long to cope up with, but then, the thing that pushes me to go on, is that, this is happening for the better good.

Liking someone is beautiful; but going over the boundaries is dangerous. But fret not. There is still hope when boundaries are crossed. This is one solution. To kill that fire of being too close too soon. To kill the fire is to stop feeding the fire, to stop feeding the fire is to stop communication. It's hard, but it's doable.

I want to give up at times already, but one thing that is helping me the most is my God. . :) I pour out everything to Him and that helps me release. Telling God how much i miss him and all those things. Talking to God about my emotions, actually drew me closer to Him. :) I find it quite amazing. I never thought I'd be able to share these kinds of things to God. :)

Another thing that helps me not give up is. . I know he's doing his side as well. It's fair, we're fighting the same fight. For us to actually achieve this 'self-control' is to push through this no-communication for awhile. it's hard, it's tough, but it's the right thing to do.

Whoever said it'll be a blissful road? Doing the right thing always requires a lot of sacrifice, but then, the blessings are insanely great as well. :) I know that once we talk again, it'll be better and be handled in a more mature way - Keeping the relationship the way God intended it to be. I mean. . this relationship is here anyway, for God Himself. :) This relationship is here to build us both for the glory of God alone. :)

PS

About my last post? All those were lies. . I know i can have a good relationship with a man in the future. It's a lie that i don't have hope; and on top of it all, it doesn't suck to be me. . . :) God is helping me grow to become the lady He wants me to be, so that i may share my learnings to all those ladies who are confused as well. . :) My dreams are not shattered. I know that I will still get married in the future. I know myself. I cannot live alone. :) Only God knows what's best for me. :) I'm happy to be on the right track. :)

It'll never work out

I'm starting to guess that I won't get married anymore. I don't even want to engage in any relationship anymore. . Time to hide all those relational books now, because they're useless already. . I can't stay with any guy. Any guy will get tired of me. I even get tired of myself. I want to serve my future husband, i really really do. . but with my personalty right now? I don't ever think I'd be able to build the right habits and the right foundations.

I'll make any guy stay with me suffer. I'm too sensitive in everything. Yeah at first it be fine. But as years go by, i know I'd be left behind. I just know it. I know myself, if i get tired of myself, how much more of others?. . I will never grow old with a man. . Whenever i see couples or old people? I just want to cry. . it's something i've always looked forward when i was a little kid. Now reality strikes and wakes me up from my delusions. I can never have that. . It sucks being me. ;p

I give up. I don't want to make someone's life worsen because of me; especially if i love him. I am just not worth the girl anymore. I'll never be someone who can make a man happy. In the beginning yes i can, but later on i won't be. Some blessings turn into a curse. I know myself, i know that i cannot be a blessing for long.

I give up on relationships. I haven't engaged on them yet, but i already know that i'd fail. I don't want anything that's more than friendship. I don't want to have a boyfriend. I'd settle on my own self. I'm going back to my comfort zone, my mangas. There I can satisfy my emotional needs by reading other people's happy love stories.

I'll just never get a good love story. My gosh, I will pity my future boyfriend. I'd rather not have one, i don't want to make anyone suffer because of me. I've already made too many people suffer because of me. Enough is enough. I can't die, so i'll live just to lessen more hurts. But if only i can run away and fade away.

I don't care anymore. I can never be a good partner. I will always be a burden. I just suck. Mangas mangas, i'll soon buy lots of you from now on. I can't love any man. I'll just ruin his life. I deserve to be alone, so i wont hurt anyone. There's no use in talking anymore. I've decided. I don't want a man in my life. Goodbye childhood dreams. It's time to have a good career and find a cat that's like garfield.

Hope

My identity is not of mine. It's in God. :)

I have no right to say all of those negative things. They're not true. . God made me the way I am. :) He made me beautiful, smart and lovingly sweet. It's time to see myself in God's lenses. I am created perfectly the way I am, I shouldn't look down on my self. God loves me the way I am now, and that will never ever change. No matter how much i sin or how much i fail . . He will never stop loving me. . and because I love Him, I will do everything to make Him happy. To keep His Word, His Law. . I will surely sin less and start loving Him more in purity and in all sincerity. :)

I'm proud to say that I'm a Christian, a princess of God. :)